18 December, 2021
As I was in transit today, the only notes I made were of my dreams:
- I dreamt I was with [redacted] and [redacted] met us. It was after an event or something, and we were in a parking lot, leaving. There was the floating possibility of us remaining hanging out, but [redacted] did pass by, maybe none of us could communicate properly or even knew what we wanted.
- Zombie dream.
- I also dreamt of [redacted] this morning. It was at my childhood home, there were a lot of us just all on the grass in the front yard, on the drive ways. There was a woman next to me, cuddling me, but I wasn’t interested in her. I looked over at [redacted] and she was looking at me. Her eyes were glassy, and I wondered if she was upset. I parted with the people I was sitting with and went over to her. I sat by her. She was so soft. That’s what I thought about as I looked at her. She was so soft. I asked her if she wanted to go lay on the grass in the backyard together. She said yes and we rose to walk together. She held my hand. We walked hand in hand to the backyard. There were spots of shade, and that’s what we wanted, partial shade. Then she chose a perfect spot that wouldn’t have been my immediate choice but that I realised was perfect right away. She lay down in an opposite direction as I expected, and I lay another way, as I lowered myself to meet her on the ground, my face hovered over her mouth. I thought about the Spiderman kiss, and how that is kind of an awkward angle, but the hovering is so comfortable with us. The suggestion.
In hindsight, waking after the dream, I realised that the spot we chose to lay was right under the shade of the poinciana tree.
I am feeling better, but only in my moments alone. Otherwise, I feel fine, but the healing must happen in solitude.